Remembering Tabitha Faith

We went to the funeral home today. Dear friends are moving away under very difficult circumstances, and one of the things that must be left behind is the grave of their second child. Tabitha died a few years ago, after spending her entire life on earth cradled in the womb of her mother. In the confusion, the expense and the rush of those days, the marking of the grave had never happened. So, the, "To Do" list for this move includes the business of making sure there is a fitting memorial to this precious child while she rests until the day when her body will rise again, perfect, healthy and new.

Tabitha's father is away at the new location, so today another friend and I went with Tabitha's mother to the funeral home. We chose the stone, and what it would say. We didn't speak of it, but we were remembering those days when Tabitha was in our lives. How sonograms and tests gradually revealed her severe handicaps. How we prayed at first that she was healthy, then prayed that she would be healed, then prayed that her condition would be survivable, then prayed that she might be at least born alive so we could see and hold a living child, if only for a little while. God gently answered, "No."

We had great sorrow in those days, but where God gives His children sorrow, He also gives comfort and strength. And now, sitting in the office of the funeral home--having long ago worked through the issues of life and death, God's sovereignty, and His wisdom--we were able to sweetly remember this little girl and choose for her a fitting memorial.

On the way home, Tabitha's mother noted that she had never ordered copies of documentation for Tabitha. We thought about future generations and how we would want them to know that God had made Tabitha a part of their family. She had no birth or death certificate for her and we found ourselves wondering out loud what documentation was filed in our state for a late-term stillborn child. Someone thought that only a death certificate would have been issued since she was not born alive. I thought I had heard of a special certificate for stillborn children that was used in some states.

"What do they do with late-term abortions?" I blurted out. We all gasped. "What would the cause of death be? It would have to be homicide. It couldn't be natural causes."

"They must have some other euphemism for it," my friend answered.

Now, a day that had been bittersweet was suddenly truly sad. My mind raced as I thought of the children who rested, not in a grave, but in a landfill. Names and faces and lives kept a secret by those few who knew of them. No grave marker. No documentation. No remembrance in future generations.

Suddenly my heart was grateful that God had seen fit to place this baby in this family--a family that would always remember with thanksgiving that God has blessed them with Tabitha Faith.

Comments

[david]

Unfortunately, there are no death certficates for pre-born children. All of our children's births are recorded in my old Bible. There is also one death recorded. That is enough documentation for us.

[Dory]

I did a little research on this and found that the state Tabitha was born in does have a certificate of stillbirth. The definition of stillbirth carefully excludes purposeful abortions. It looks like this section of the law was changed last year, though, so there may not have been anything available for Tabitha.

[kilo]

Very touching.....
you are a daily read for me.

[violet]

Thoughtful and moving, Dory.

[jon]

Thanks, Dory.

[Linda]

Oh, Dory. How sad and beautiful, and even more so since I know the family of which you speak. I didn't realize they were moving away. I'm sure that also makes you sad, but they must go where God leads them.

[Kristy Luhman]

I lost a baby girl at 8 months and I was just looking for some advice on how to deal with everything. She was born an angle on October 10 2005. I miss her dearly and was honestly just looking for answers or someone going through the same thing. Most important to me is to get her story out there for others to hear. Her name is Allie Jo and she is missed every day. I just wanted to tell people her story. Her daddy is a U.S. Sailor that is standing proud for our country. It is just to bad that people dont stand proud to fight for babies like Allie Jo and their families that could use financial and emotional help. God Bless all of the other families that are going through the same loss as we had to and especially to those that feel like they are going threw it alone, dont worry you are not, no matter how it feels at this moment you are never alone. God gave you an angle, and sites like this. I hope things change and every baby born into this world, still or not will be looked at for who they are, not what they were not.